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Winning X-Factor Song


When dad got pregnant, what a disaster,
My life could not get worse, so I... came on X-Factor
I know I'll win, because it's fixed
And just like Jedward, I've got two unwanted kids
My life is tragic, so reach for the tissues,
Text in your votes or I'll be selling Big Issues
[like Joe McElderry. Who? Exactly.]

I used to sing badly, all of the time
Until X-Factor taught me Now I can mime
The other contestants, were all called brave
Cos they had illnesses, so I gave myself AIDS,
We add a beat to the backing track,
This is 5 minutes of your life that you'll never get back...

This is my moment, my big moment
Louis won't give me a No,
I've got his sex tape on my phone
My chorus, my big chorus
A bland and uninspiring song
A certain hit for Christmas number one

X-factor seemed the obvious choice,
cos only ugly people go on The Voice,
And Simon Cowell really knows his business,
Murdering music and ruining Christmas
I'll be Christmas number one, cos Simon's so wealthy,
Say "Thank you, I will do what you tell me!"

Thank you I will do what you tell me!
Thank you I will do what you tell me!
Thank you I will do what you tell me!
Thank you I will do... oohh-woahohoh

Now hold a note too lonnnnnnnng…

This is my moment, my big moment
I'm gonna do that groaning thing
that everyone does when they sing
The chorus, my big chorus
A bland and uninspiring song
A certain hit for Christmas number oneeeeeee!

This is my key change, my big key change
Just when it starts to irritate,
We pick it up and modulate
The Chorus, My big Chorus,
A bland and uninspiring song
A certain hit for Christmas number…
[Make a cup of tea, we could be here some time]
One.