Winning X-Factor Song
When my dog got Covid, what a disaster, My life could not get worse, so I... came on X-Factor I know I'll win, because it's fixed But just in case I'm wrong, I've been sucking loads of dicks My life is tragic, so reach for the tissues, Text in your votes or I'll be selling Big Issues [like Joe McElderry. Who? Exactly.]
I used to sing badly, all of the time Until X-Factor taught me Now I can mime The other contestants, were all called brave Cos they had illnesses, so I gave myself AIDS, We add a beat to the backing track, This is 5 minutes of your life that you'll never get back...
This is my moment, my big moment Louis won't give me a No, I've got his sex tape on my phone My chorus, my big chorus A bland and uninspiring song A certain hit for Christmas number one
X-factor seemed the obvious choice, cos only ugly people go on The Voice, And Simon Cowell really knows his business, Murdering music and ruining Christmas I'll be Christmas number one, cos Simon's so wealthy, Say "Thank you, I will do what you tell me!"
Thank you I will do what you tell me! Thank you I will do what you tell me! Thank you I will do what you tell me! Thank you I will do... oohh-woahohoh
Now hold a note too lonnnnnnnng…
This is my moment, my big moment I'm gonna do that groaning thing that everyone does when they sing The chorus, my big chorus A bland and uninspiring song A certain hit for Christmas number oneeeeeee!
This is my key change, my big key change Just when it starts to irritate, We pick it up and modulate The Chorus, My big Chorus, A bland and uninspiring song A certain hit for Christmas number… [Make a cup of tea, we could be here some time] One.
